I was at the gym yesterday when I got a text from my Mother asking me to speak to her on Skype in an hour. Immediately a million things crossed my mind – did someone get into an accident, is my sister-in-law (who’s pregnant) alright, is my Dad ok, did my sister get into trouble. I quickly sent her a text asking her what’s the matter and she said – “Nothing much, your Grandma isn’t feeling too well.” And that’s possibly the only option I have not thought about.
So I hopped off the machine, quickly stretched and went home.
I turned on Skype and saw Dad sitting in front of the camera. The next 30 seconds was a blur and my parents were frantically trying to tell me it’s all ok and I don’t have to come home. It was 11.45am and the next flight home was 2pm that day. I had half a mind to pack, grab my passport and just get on that flight home.
She used to cook me my favourite meals when I was a little fat chubby girl – maybe that’s what made me as chubby as I was. Chicken with potato in dark sauce was my favourite and I try to cook it now but it’s never as good as hers. She has ALL the patience to let the potatoes boil till their melt-in-your-mouth consistency. Long beans with prawns is also another favourite. And who can forget her crispy fried fish? I remember my older brother hating it and my Grandma had to remove the bones for him before he would even go near it. Food was very important to her since she used to own a prawn noodle stall in Penang. Anyone who’s been to Penang knows how prawn noodles are a prized possession of Penang-ites. Apparently her business was really good and she was quite popular during her time.
She had a way with all our dogs. Every stranger that comes to the house would be terrified of my dogs but she just walks up to them, pats them firmly on the head and they’ll follow her obediently. None of my dogs have disliked her and they’ve always come to the gate to greet her when she visits.
Hazeline Snow – her favourite brand of face moisturiser. Ever since I was little I remember her putting that on her face with lots of care and she always told me the secret to her nice skin was Hazeline Snow. She swore by it and did not believe in any other facial creams. Well, not until recently when she discovered my new moisturiser and DEMANDED I got it for her. I remember her stepping out of the toilet with white spots on her face where she hasn’t spread the moisturiser properly and she’ll let me rub it out for her. Just before she launches into another lecture about how I have pimples and should put this magic cream of hers.
I remember when she got her AV fistula for her dialysis – she was so excited! This was after a massively complicated central dialysis (with infections and the lot) and 1 failed AV fistula. So I can see why she was so excited when she could feel the bruit and was almost parading her arm around. She would sit and moan about the nurses in the hospital who have been very rude to her. And she also complained about medical students poking her eyes and asking her to do this and that (oops!).
Everytime she eats she’ll need to take her insulin. So I’ll need to get it from the fridge and turn the dial to her magical number (she’ll just give me some random number) and she’ll inject it. And when I quiz her about her sugar control she would change the subject. Ooh that sly woman.. Her favourite foods include anything tasty that is presented before her. Even if it’s not meant for her, she would (unashamedly) ask for it or sometimes just help herself. And when I give her a long lecture about how she’s not meant to eat certain things, her excuse would be she’s going for her dialysis which would wash everything away anyway so why not enjoy it now? ARGH! You can never win with older people..
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On my brother’s wedding I saw the happiest woman in the world. Her oldest grandson was getting married and all her family was with her. She just sat at the main table and observered everyone. She said she was very tired and was happy with people-watching. I remember how she spent the night before going up to all my relatives with the £50 that I gave her. She used it to fan herself and passed it on to her relatives (with one firm hand pinching a corner of the note in case anyone tries to take it from her). She said she’ll frame it up and tell everyone her oldest grand-daughter gave it to her.
I, of all people, perhaps should have seen the signs that this was coming but being away from home meant that I don’t get told much about what’s going on. All I can remember from my brief conversation with my parents yesterday was that she did not suffer and it was all very peaceful. I am glad for that.
And now, I look down at my left arm and see my scar and I think about how I ran into her while she was carrying the pot of hot water. And how she frantically got a taxi and went to the doctor after that. She used to cut the aloe vera plant at the back of our house and apply the sticky stuff on my arm. When I look at a box of Ferrero Roche I’ll think about her. She buys me a box every year without fail.
I don’t want to end this post. There are so many things about her I want to remember but life has to go on. I’m only glad her family was with her at her last moments and she was at home, which was where she’d wanted to be. I only hope she’ll forgive me for not being with her and hope that she’s now in a better place.



